White Fences

"God is God. Because He is God, He is worthy of my trust and obedience. I will find rest nowhere but in His holy will, a will that is unspeakably beyond my larget notions of what He is up to" - Elisabeth Elliot

Trust. The firm belief in the reliability or strength of something. A reliance on something in the future; hope. To depend.

I've definitely needed a refresher in this, especially the last few days, and even weeks. The moments when I question "why?", when I've fallen to my knees in disappointment, when I lie awake in bed, unable to lull myself to sleep due to my seeming inability to find joy. The times I breathe in and deeply exhale the "this-isn't-cool" sound.

It's quite intriguing that things appear to be bright as the sun, and then the clouds come from no where. No warning. Just so you're not wondering what, or why, I'll give you a little back story. I moved down to San Diego, and everything was legit. Roomies, life, friends, adventures, all the likes. When everything seemed bright, the billows rolled near. Financial aid didn't give me as much as expected to be able to live for a quarter, and if you learned from my last blog, I am not an active pursuance of relationships. But oh when it does come beckoning, I do everything I can to answer.

So, for the finances cloud, God has (of Sunday) blessed me with a job at La Valencia Hotel, and some extra funding, so things look swell in terms of finances. And well, here's the honesty being laid out. I'm writing this to assure myself to trust, more so for this latest down. Over my life, I've learned that God inevitably works the good in all things. Family troubles, friend conflicts, relationship struggles, time and time again I've seen God work good out of every situation.

And well, I question why I can be disappointed that this isn't how I wanted it to be. I'm putting God into this sort of box, where it's like "this is what would make me happy, this is what I feel like you call me to, called my heart to, put an interest in, etc" and then I'm trying to live according to my will, and not His. The other night, during one of my "I can't sleep" phases, Psalm 9:10 came to my heart: "And those who know Your name, put their trust in You; for You, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You." I felt God just asking me, "What are you trusting in? Me or thoughts of what YOU think would be best? Do you know that I, the God who calls the tide in and out, who raises the sun for the morning and brings it down for the night, the God who keeps the planets in motion, is that same God who works your life and has an ultimate plan that you can't fathom? Yes, maybe at this moment, I don't call her to a relationship, but you should KNOW and TRUST that I do have plans more stupendous than you could realize." This definitely got my heart and mind thinking. And then, just to reinforce Himself (as if He really needs it though) God had me come across this quote:

"You have trusted Him in a few things, and He has not failed you. Trust Him now for everything, and see if He does not do for you exceeding abundantly above all that you could ever have asked or thought, not according to your power or capacity, but according to His own mighty power, that will work in you all the good pleasure of His most blessed will. You find no difficulty in trusting the Lord with the management of the universe and all the outward creation, and can your case be any more complex or difficult than these, that you need to be anxious or troubled about his management of it?" - Hannah Whitall Smith

This quote spoke directly to my heart. For the many things in my life, He has not failed, He has blessed me in ways that I couldn't express my thankfulness. So why am I not finding joy in every circumstance. My purpose, my life, should be lived in a way that glorifies my great God. That I trust in Him in the middle of disappointment and the clouds, and by doing so, it tells this dark, disappointed world about my relationship with Him. It shows others that it's not that God makes life easier for us, everyone, including me will experience discouragement. However, the difference between me, and those who don't know my wonderful Father, is that my joy doesn't come from the fact God makes everything great, but it comes from the quality of my relationship with Him when I'm right in the middle of my circumstance.

We are called to walk on water, like Peter in Matthew 14:29-31. To trust in God during all our trials and downs. When we begin to sink like Peter did, we aren't demanding that God take us out of the water, but instead, we keep our eyes on Him, and reach out to Him. Because, like He did with Peter, He will pull us up. That during the tidal waves of life, we continue to walk in His ways, knowing that He will be there with us, that things will be worked for the good, and we rejoice in Him even if things don't get easier. We rejoice in Him because He is in control, and like Romans 8:28 says, "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him." We have a great God that works in ways that our minds cannot comprehend, but we see again and again, the wonderful works of His mighty hands. Trust. To depend on Him and Him alone, knowing that the same Savior of our souls, that the same God who created the Heavens and the earth, has complete control of our lives, and has such great plans.

So in my time of downheartedness, I trust in Him, because there is nothing greater to trust in, then the God I mentioned above. Knowing that His wonderful hands has something far greater than I can imagine. Though I feel down, I persevere to find joy in Jesus.

With love and trust,

Dan

"It is a glorious thing to know that your Father God makes no mistakes in directing or permitting that which crosses the path of your life. It is the glory of God to conceal a matter. It is our glory to trust Him, no matter what" - Joni Eareckson Tada

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