Howdy.
My day is yet to be over, so I can't really say how good my day was, but so far its been good. Work this morning went by quick, had some late lunch with Casey. Afterwards we did what was a typical Casey/Danual hangout: Jamming. Drumming it out. Guitaring it out. Well, not really a word, but you get what I'm saying. That's definitely one of the things I love to do most, is just hang out by making music. We bond through sound. Ha.
Anyways, enough of my Saturday. There are two things I want to talk about, so bear with me. These things I've been wanting to type out on this ole blog of mine, I've been holding in for 5 days. I'm amazed I've actually remembered most of what I wanted to talk about. Anyways, part one: For those who don't know (or do), I went to Hume last week. Hume is one of my most favorite places to be. The serenity. The beauty. I absolutely love it. This year, however, was not as I expected at all. I feel no need to describe the downfalls of Hume, but lets just say it had its more negative points, than positive.
Saturday (the 9th) was a frustrating, emotional day. I was upset that my week hadn't gone at all like I had planned, and just mulled over all that had gone astray and mistakes made. It was one of those days I just sat around, disconcerted. I had a pit in my stomach thinking back to events that happened and the blunders on my part. A substandard day, to say the least.
Well I was able to make it through the day, and wake up the next morning for church. What a relief. I was greeted by a friend Sydney who had just started to come to Grace. It was extremely uplifting receiving a hug from her. I can't explain why, it was just like one of those moments where it was like 'live in the here and now'. I had been kicking myself and moping all day Saturday, and I relished the fact that I got a hug from someone who had no idea that I was, or why I was kicking myself, and probably wouldn't even care. (FYI, I love hugs. So much, though I rarely receive them or give them. Ha) Then in church during prayer, one of the elders said: "For He is the one who knows us best, yet still loves us the most." I think Sydney has incredible hugs, but that's beside the point. The point is, she hugged me as a friend. No matter what mistakes I had made or the stupid things I've done. And that, along with the quote, later struck me.
God loves us and He knows EVERYTHING about us, the mistakes we make, the stupid sinful things we do. But His love is Unending. Unconditional. Unfailing. We're like continuous blooper films. Up and down, the day is going well, then we slip. Yet, He loves us the most. There is no one on this earth, even multiple people added up, who could ever love ME as much as God does. Why? I don't know, but it's amazing. To see the reaction of a
person to mistakes, and how easily it is for them to be angered, to add conditions, to change feeling, and so on. Then think about how much more our mistakes must appear to
God, yet nothing changes. His love's like a hurricane, I am a tree. Being in my Psalms mood, I thought back to
Psalm 51, which is the Psalm that follows David's slip-up with Bathsheba. I added a link because I urge you to read it before going on...
Now that you've read it. It's incredible to see David's reverence and humility before God, and acknowledges he will always be sinful; "For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me." However, he knows what our God is capable of. What His incredible love can do for us. "Create in me a pure heart...and renew a steadfast spirit in me." You can only wonder what was going through David's mind. He had committed adultery and killed the woman's husband to hide his guilt. You can only feel pity for David at the moment when Nathan is talking to him, and it hits him where he truly realizes the 'bigness' of his fault. He then falls before God asking for mercy in his stupidity. Throughout the story of David we see that God had favor in him, despite the countless blunders (and you see his humility throughout Psalms). So thinking about that and thinking about my mistakes and how much I wish I could have taken back going to Hume, I thought of the daily quotes that I read and one that I came across earlier in 2011:
"Our Savior kneels down and gazes upon the darkest acts of our lives. But rather than recoil in horror, He reaches out in kindness and says, 'I can clean that if you want.' And from the basin of His grace, He scoops a palm full of mercy and washes our sin." - Max Lucado
Paul does a great job in Philippians on keeping us from brooding over failures. Knowing that our Savior reaches out to our big, or small, mistakes, we can do this. "But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" (3:14) To end part one, remember, you can't take back mistakes, you can't make them disappear. But God calls us to move on, and the only one whose eternal judgement matters, loves you infinitely. Move on, make amends, if you are on the other side of it, FORGIVE. If Christ isn't a good enough reason for that (I don't know what would be!). For you, nor I, deserved that kind of forgiveness, yet we received it. The least you could do is forgive minor transgressions done unto you. Read 1 Corinthians 13 :)
Part two:
Another thing I learned from my crap week at Hume and Sunday morning at Grace, was when Pastor Tim said:
"Find your identity, your hope, your steadfastness in Christ and Christ alone, the lover of your soul." I, like just about everyone on this earth, have formed my identity in what everyone else wants. What girls think are attractive, what people think is good-looking, hip, cool, or what-not. I had always felt the feeling "I don't care what people think, God's opinion is the only one that mattered," but I never truly lived that one out. So I felt indie, or whatever, and didn't care. But really, I did. I wanted people to think I was legit and that I looked good. I mean, come on, everyone does. A few instances at Hume were brought up in this crazy mind of mine when Tim said that. But when he said that, it's as if at that moment my mind kind of just let everything go. I kept questioning, "did _____ really matter?" Was that really being used to glorify God, or glorify me? Was I caring about the world's view on me, or was I proclaiming the view of God and His great love to the world? I looked
this up after thinking about this, and it's great encouragement on realizing who I REALLY am.
So I declare this to my generation who feels like the whole world owes them a favor. To my generation who bases its looks, its actions, and its words off of television, movies and magazines. To my generation who cares more for what fading thoughts and fashions say than what an eternal God says. To my generation who lives for this world and the fleeting things of it. FORGET IT. Clearly stated in Matthew, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourself treasures in Heaven...for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (6:19-21).
I'm tired of forming myself to an identity that constantly changes. Fashion constantly changes. The definition of worldly manhood constantly changes. Everything on this earth is changing. God is unchanging. I will find my identity in Him, and I hope and pray you do as well.
As long as this was, I hope it was encouraging, inspirational.
With love,
D
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