I'll Always Love You

So, I'm a week and a day into the new quarter.

I guess I can say its nice to be back. But that's a slight lie.

I want to be back, without school, or with a lot of things to do.

But so far, its class, soccer, and thinking. Same as usual.

This weekend was a change though. It was one of the most fun weekends in a while.

It was nice to keep my mind off things, and just enjoy others.

-Friday night was 80's skating with Crusade, and it was definitely legit to find old bright 80s clothing at Salvation army, and dressing up. I think everyone there that wasn't in Crusade thought we were wack, but it's okay, it was awesome.

-Saturday I planned on visiting my friend Tara, but things didn't work out, so instead I drove east to Escondido and hung out with Emily Bell and Emily Earwicker. We went to Bate's Nut Farm and fed animals (where I got bit by a mule!) and then found a picnic table and all played guitars and worshipped. It was awesome, I love their voices so much. We went over to Emily Bell's house, and Laura came over and we hung out and played Mad Gab and that too was fun :)

-Sunday. Sunday "day" was filled with anticipation. For what? PHIL WICKHAM! Possibly my favorite artist. Laura, Jordan, Emily and Tamara came down for the concert, and it was cool chillin' with them, but my goodness. Phil Wickham is absolutely amazing live. His voice is fantastic, and the way he turns the concert into worship was just great. I also got to shake his hand, and get my shirt signed by him. So sick!

So that was a quick recap of my weekend.

I love when people keep your mind off things.

It's been an emotional past couple of weeks, so uplifting fun stuff is always wonderful.

Hope for more of it.

I have a meeting this Friday to switch out of Revelle, I really hope I can, all these GE's are ridiculous. I also have voice lessons on Friday, got to start making this voice work so I can lead worship for Cru and hear the D-Trip harmonize!

Last Wednesday at Flood college group, we talked about John 8: 1-11

¹ but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.

² At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. ³ The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group ⁴ and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. ⁵In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” ⁶They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. ⁷ When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” ⁸ Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

⁹ At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. ¹⁰ Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

¹¹ “No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

For some reason, I couldn't help but look at myself. Look at how many times I beat myself up for being so absolutely, ridiculously stupid. The fact that I feel like I can never get anything right, that I constantly fail at everything I do; being a good friend, living for Christ, keeping a relationship, I seem to always mess up. Internally I continue to yell at myself, why can't I do this, look like this, etc.

But then I saw, I saw myself in the crowd, condemning me in front of them. Like I was being condemned for being so messed up, by me. And then, I hear Christ tell myself that "the first without sin can begin the judgement" and I realize that I am not perfect. I can't be perfect. There is no possibility of that in this life. And so, I can't help but fix my eyes upon the One who is. Kneeling down, writing in the sand, looking at me. Saying "then neither do I condemn you." So why must I run myself so ragged over mistakes. Knowing that Christ, beaten, bruised, put on a cross, for the stupid self I am, I find relief, and shelter in Him. There's nothing I can do, but try, and try harder. I won't be perfect until I meet Him face to face, and until then, I will push on, focus on Him, to glorify Him in what I do.

Forever I'll tell you

Yeah, I'll scream until it hurts

That I can't live without you

You are Heaven, I am Earth

And even from the moment that you saved my life

I knew, that I'll always love you.

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